alt.stupidity must invade mars! alt.stupidity must invade mars!

Subject:	Re: Saviour Bacon
From:	Bucketmouth 
Date:	Sun, 13 Jul 1997 19:38:06 +1000

Wxwilki wrote:
> 
> In article <33C773C0.40F55601@geocities.com>, Bucketmouth
>  writes:
> 
  \|/
 -POP- Hi!
  /|\

Arggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!! Clooooooonnnnessssss
*swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* 
  \|/
 -POP- Hi!
  /|\
*swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat*
  \|/
 -POP- Hi!
  /|\
*swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat*
  \|/
 -POP- Hi!
  /|\
*swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat*
*swat* 
 

> >Wxwilki wrote:
> >>
> >> In article <33C4D6C8.836166BC@geocities.com>, Bucketmouth
> >>  writes:
> >>
> >> >A guy walks into a bar with a three-legged pig. "How come your pig
> only
> >> >has three legs?" the bar tender asks.
> >>
> >> It can't be a Martian pig, they have six!
> >
> >*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
> *slap*  OUCH!
> >> >"Well," says the guy, "A few years back my youngest child fell in a
> dam
> >> >and the pig rescued her. If it wasn't for the pig, my child would have
> >> >surely drowned."
> >> >
> >> >"Oh," prompts the bartender, "and the pig lost his leg saving her?"
> >> >
> >> >"No," says the guy.
> >> >
> >> >"So how come the pig only has three legs?" asks the bar tender again.
> >>
> >> It can't be a Martian pig, they have six!
> >
> >*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*  eat some friggin bacon bill!!! or start
> >drinking .. anything to stop these damn hallucinations *slap* *slap*
> *slap*  OUCH!
> >> >"Weeeelllll," says the guy, "Two years ago, our house burned to the
> >> >ground. My second eldest child was trapped inside and if it wasn't for
> >> >the pig rescuing him, he would surely have died."
> >> >
> >> >"So the pig had its leg burned off in the fire?" prompts the bartender
> >> >once again.
> >> >
> >> >"No," says the guy.
> >> >
> >> >"So how come the pig only has three legs?" asks the bar tender once
> >> >more, starting to sound pissed off with the guy.
> >>
> >> It can't be a Martian pig, they have six!
> >
> >*slap*
> *slap*  OUCH!
> >> >"Well six months ago my whole family was in a car wreck. The car lay
> >> >across a rail track and we were all unconscious. Had the pig not
> pulled
> >> >us out, we'd have all perished for sure when that train hit the car."
> >> >
> >> >"So the pig lost his leg in a car wreck???"
> >> >
> >> >"No," says the guy...
> >> >
> >> >"SO HOW COME THE PIG ONLY HAS THREE LEGS???!!!" Yells the bartender...
> >>
> >> It can't be a Martian pig, they have six!
> >
> >BILLLLLLLLLL!!!!! We're losing him *slap* *slap*
> *slap*  OUCH!
> >> >"Geez," says the bloke, "everyone *knows* ya can't eat a good pig like
> >> >that all at once."
> >>
> >> Except Martian devil bunnies!
> >>
> >> alt.stoopidity must invade Mars now!!!
> >>
> >> --Bill (who hungers for six-legged bacon)
> >
> >*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* C'mon mate ... juss one more mouthful
> *slap*  OUCH!
> >.. you'll be right ... *sniff* *he used to be human* *slap* *slap*
> *slap*  OUCH!
> >*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
> *slap*  OUCH!  *slap*  OUCH!  *slap*  OUCH!  *slap*  OUCH!  *slap*  OUCH!
> *slap*  OUCH!  *slap*  OUCH!  *slap*  OUCH!
> 
> >-- bucketmouth - concerned for wxilixwlky's state of mind
> 
> Hey!  I DON'T GOT NO MIND!!!!!

Oh ... sorry. Hey thas right!!! ... We don't need no steeeenkin minds.

Actually I'm starting to enjoy this ... *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
*slap* 

> --Bill

*slap* 

-- bucketmouth- getting wierd


Subject:	Re: Saviour Bacon
From:	mikroa@ix.netcom.com (Michael Roach)
Date:	Sun, 13 Jul 1997 14:23:01 GMT

While slapping wxwillikers, Bucketmouth said:

|Wxwilki wrote:
|> 
|> In article <33C773C0.40F55601@geocities.com>, Bucketmouth
|>  writes:
|> 
|  \|/
| -POP- Hi!
|  /|\
|
|Arggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!! Clooooooonnnnessssss
|*swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* 
|  \|/
| -POP- Hi!
|  /|\
|*swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat*
|  \|/
| -POP- Hi!
|  /|\
|*swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat* *swat*
|  \|/
| -POP- Hi!
|  /|\


Well great, you guise used up all the bootle rockets and now we'll never
invade Mars!


Subject:	Invasion Plan for Mars (first draft) (Was: Re: Martian Political
Appointments (
From:	adamj@YOURBRAIN!iol.ie (amp)
Date:	Tue, 15 Jul 1997 17:37:12 GMT

Umm.. on  11 Jul 1997 22:38:14 GMT, this person - wxwilki@aol.com (Wxwilki)
writed this stuff:

»In article <33c69e43.15923555@usenet.pa.dec.com>, adamj@YOURBRAIN!iol.ie
»(amp) writes:
»
»>Seeing as how I don't habe an offishal title and stuff I d4emand to be
»made
»>Goverenrer Hi Geneereakall of MARS. 
»>
»>Wht?
»>
»>Cause I sez so!!!"
»
»Okay, okay!  Here goes:
»
»As The Patron Saint Of Something Here In alt.stupidity,
»Who Was Appointed By Spatch The God Of alt.stupidity,
»Stoopid Be His Name,
»And In His Absinthe,
»But Noting That Thou Hast Paid Thine Dues,
»I Maketh Thee Goverenrer Hi Geneereakall of MARS!

YUHOOOO!!!

»>(d)amp: whoz ego needs pampering every now and then3
»
»But first, of course, alt.stupidity must successfully invade Mars.

Oh. Right then. I hearby donate my entire collection of Pepsi Max
bottles for the contruction of the fleet. The small ones with the
wide mouth can be used for fighters while the larger family sized
ones can be used as stragtegic bombers. I have er.. gained access
to a keg which would be ideal as a Mothership.

Propellant.
-----------
My many attempts to ignite Pepsi Max have failed and I can't find
two ice cubes to push together in order to create cold fusion. So
I believe the best method to get us from here to Mars would be to
get an array of Toasters. If we get enough of them it should make
enough force when they POP!(tm Bill & clones) to launch us to the
target.

Atmosphere
----------
Apparently there is little oxygen on the planet Mars. Therefore I
suggest we use the traditional alt.stupiditty method of breathing

1. Breathe in 
2. Breath out
3. See step one

Only much much faster. It is also very cold on Mars so wear thick
woolly clothing. This will fool the Marsions into thinking we are
sheep thus giving us the vital element of suprise.

Attack Stratagy
---------------
After the Pepsi Max bombers have taken out the domes and the anal
probe factories the fighters can then swoop in low so we can make
rude noises at their troops. This is physchological warfare which
we will have to first learn by ringing 1-800-PYSCHO'S-'R-US-BABY!

Sub Plot
--------
There will be no sub plots as there is no dihydrogen Mo2 on Mars.
We must make do with the in-flight movie: Red October.

»To be tedious, the scientific reasoning for this can be found at:
»http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/W_Wilkinson1/mars.htm
»
»--Bill (who needs analysis of the protobacon, devil bunny, the bubbles,
»and
»the rock formation.  also a second bottle rocket since mars is
»bigger than it looks)

Yes, we need to anaylise these things. Deeply. Our mission relies
on it. Other things needed are:

Reporters to bring back live commentary from the locations of our
great victories.
Torches.
Flashlights.
Sheep. (For making woolly clothes out of)
Night Goggles.
Day Goggles.
Mid morning Goggles.
Bottle rocket fighter pilots.
Bottle rocket bomber pilots.
Bottle rocket navigatiors.
Bottle rocket groundspersons.
Bottle rocket stewardess's
Bottle rocket painters.
Bottle rockets.

Stirring Speech
---------------
Take a spoon and stir until fully stirred.

Guide to Mars
-------------
Mars is a lot bigger than it seems. Early attempts to crush the
planet with our fingers held up to the sky failed. 
It is red.
It is cold.
It is not an edible chocolate bar.
It is Mars.

Volunteer now! Your newsfroup needs you!

amp: who will begin contpuction


Subject:	something...... or other
From:	v2r@aol.com (V2R)
Date:	16 Jul 1997 10:50:38 GMT

Bucketmouth  wrote:
>V2R wrote:
> 
>> Please do not rationalize and try to make sense here as it confuses the
>> wildlife.  Thank you.
You're welcome.

>*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
Why are you slapping?!
 
>Ohhh sorry v2. I thought you said Mars
I didn't say Mars...

>Mars????
You said Mars.

>Arggggghhhhhh!!!!
Uh-oh, this can't be good...

>*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* 
Quit it!

Quit it I said!

Quit flailing about like that!

What are you... some kind of crazy or something?!

>-- bucketmouth - verrrrrrrry suspicious and on edge *bump*
BOO

>*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* 

Repeat after me:
There is no Mars...
It's all in my mind...
That huge tether to MarRRRRin in v2rs backyard isn't really there...
They're trying to make me mad...
Bill never saw the 6-legged Martian pig...
This isn't happening...
I'll just go to sleep and everything will be okay...

"Martian bacon for all!"
Sorry, didn't mean to yell...  Did I wake you?

v2r  <- That's me.

I bet you thought I might have something to say...
but I don't...  at least... not today...


Subject:	Re: Mars capsule...
From:	Bucketmouth 
Date:	Fri, 18 Jul 1997 19:35:02 +1000

Wxwilki wrote:
> 
> In article <01bc9142$331ae180$38112ace@scharff>, "Steven F. Scharff"
>  writes:
> 
> >V2R  wrote in article
> ><19970709075801.DAA23486@ladder02.news.aol.com>...
> >| >> >How would you feel if the Martians dropped a capsule on your house
Wouldn't it float upwards?
> ?
> >| >> What kind of capsule?
> Yeah, what kind of capsule?
> >|  >A big capsule from Mars.
> Oh.
Thass right ... a big capsule from mars ... or any other big place.
> >| I may just have to put my Uranium PU36 on you....
> Who said that?
Not me
> >This may be a bit off-topic, but since the Mars landing, there has been a
> >sharp increase in Mars candy bars.
> Okay everybody!  Get off the bottle rockets an' run down to the store
> an' buy all the Mars bars they got!  We'll give them to the natives to
> make them thnik we're peaceful.  Then, when they're asleep, we'll grab >all
their bacon!
We must inveade morrss ...
> >They have nothing to do with the planet, by the way
> Huh?
I said: We must inveade morrss ...
> >(The bar is named after the company, which is named after the
> >founder, Forrest Mars).
> Oh.  Order cancelled!  Back to the bottle rockets!
> >But, the name is there, and people are stupid enough to make the
>>improper association.
> Cancel "Order cancelled!"  Back to the store!
> >To quote PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE: "Stupid humans! Stupid! STUPID!
> >**STUPID!!**"
> Sounds like a great book!  Is it available at the checkout stand?  Does
> it have a lot of pictures?  Will it help in our own invasionplans?
Yes, no, yes, *slap*


Mars needs wimmin! --tv's Spatch